


Apple Cologne

by mech



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Demonstuck, John is a vampire, M/M, dave shows up at a vampire bar, just funny times no angst, what happens next
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 12:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5584645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mech/pseuds/mech
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is a vampire who just wanted a night out at one of the smaller vampire only bars in town. However, when a human who must be a total idiot shows up and starts crashing the joint, he feels it's his duty and his alone to make sure this dumb human doesn't return home in a bodybag.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apple Cologne

**Author's Note:**

> merry (late) christmas velvetbun! being your secret santa was a great deal of fun, and while i’m a little disappointed i didn’t go with my alternative were-bun john story idea, i had a good time writing this anyways. enjoy!

Making jokes about drinking “bloody marys” as a vampire could only be entertaining for so long.

 

In John’s case, that length of time was approximately the first hundred years or so of his eternal life. After that it just got tiresome, which is why as he sat at the bar he sipped on a margarita with actual blood in it instead of the aforementioned drink.

 

It wasn’t too shabby of a place, honestly. The lights were dim, and any humans giving blood were distinctly separated into back rooms in order to prevent any awkward moments on the dance floor. However, it was the thick scent of apples that ruined the scene for John, and influenced him to turn and look at the pod of newcomers surging in.

 

The look of them was mundane at first, but the harder John concentrated on the distinct smell wafting through the air, the more he could tell that something was off. The crowd split up, and a young man headed over to the opposite end of the bar from John, sitting right in front of a vent and causing the smell of his weird cologne to hang even heavier in the air.

 

What the fuck.

 

Just his luck, it appeared that John wasn’t the only one to notice the smell, and multiple heads swiveled in the direction of the vents, mouth watering slightly of the prospect offered to them.

 

Human.

 

Not just any human either. Mid 20s, kind of a hipster douchebag type. On the street, most vampires would pass him without much more than a second glance at most. Alone at a bar however, where everyone within could smell him as though they were pressed up right against him, well. That’s a completely different story.

 

John himself was getting a little giddy about the prospects, eyeing the murmuring vampires around him a little threateningly. Oh, so a hot blond walks in and NOW they’re hungry? Not that he himself hadn’t done the exact same thing, but still.

 

Quickly, he set his drink aside and strolled past the crowd of bodies near him, one or two vampires hissing quietly at him as he headed towards the prey they had been so anxious to claim.

 

John slid into the chair right next to the human, nearly falling right out of it as the strong unfamiliar scent hit him, amplified by the fact that the only other smells around them were the faint ones of vampires. The human simply raised a single eyebrow at him, cocking his head to the side.

 

“‘Scuse me if I ask, maybe you were just overwhelmed by my incredible looks, but you okay bro? You just about took a spill onto the floor just then.”

 

He huffed at the human, gripping the counter to regain his balance and glancing back towards the other vampires in the club watching them intently. “I’m fine, but you should go. You’re getting attention.”

 

The human snorts. “Attention? I know I’m a fresh piece of meat, but you’re making me sound like a juicy steak.” He sticks out his hand. “Dave Strider’s the name, not being barbecue is the game.”

 

John takes the hand and shakes it impatiently, before gesturing towards the door. “Look, Dave. You might not believe me, but you really need to get out of here now if you don’t want things to get bad.” He eyes a vampire watching them over Dave’s shoulder and resists the urge to just drag the other boy right out of the bar. Use your words, John.

 

“What no name? Harsh, man. Besides, we just met. Give me one good reason to leave and maybe I will.” Dave pushes his shades up the bridge of his nose.

 

One long sigh of frustration later, John is staring intently at Dave, eyes flashing maybe just the tiniest bit red. “Look, if you want to go home safe and sound tonight, do what I tell you- I’ll even walk you home okay? This place is full of people that wouldn’t hesitate to do some pretty bad things.”

 

Not the whole truth, not a total lie. Still, the sincerity in his voice reaches Dave, and the other stiffens slightly, trying to appear inconspicuous as he inspects the people around them. The numerous eyes trailed on him is not reassuring.

 

“...What, is this a gang turf war or something? Are we going all 1920s up in this tiny club? Also..” Dave lowers his voice and leans a little closer to John, who can’t help his mouth from watering just a tiny bit. “Why is the bartender staring at me?”

 

John represses a groan, trying not to roll his eyes. “This just isn’t the kind of place for people like you okay? Haven’t you noticed half of the place staring you down?”

 

Swiveling around, Dave meets all of the eyes watching him with an air of disbelief, his eyebrows raising up over his shades.

 

“What the actual fuck?”

 

“See, I told you!” John exclaimed, taking Dave’s wrist in his hand and tugging him gently towards the door. “Not the place for you.”

 

“No no, I want to know why everybody in this join is staring me down like I’m some kind of half off thick and cheesy mac n cheese they just ordered from the skeeviest Outback in town. Shit man, I’m not even the full mac n cheese, I’m practically just the cheese itself. Who the fuck is mac? I sure as hell don’t know.”

 

John groans and ignores Dave as he pulls him to the door, but to his surprise, this time Dave doesn’t resist.

 

“Alright man, I’ll go home on two conditions, got it?” Dave states, and John nods aimlessly, letting the other’s hand drop once they’re outside.

 

“Number one: you walk me home. Look, I know we just met, but so far you’ve done nothing but make me interested in your story, and I’m not about to pull the moves on you, so don’t worry about that.”

 

John snorts. “Yeah okay, whatever. I’ll walk you home as long as you live close.”

 

Dave nods some. “Great, it’s a date. Number two-”

 

“Woah woah woah, hold up. A date??”

 

John stares at Dave as he shrugs nonchalantly, meeting his gaze evenly. “Yeah, like a plan. What, you haven’t heard that expression before?”

 

Without waiting for John’s reply, Dave continues. “Right well, number two: While we walk, you tell me a little bit about yourself. Name, age…” He gives a little side glance. “Current dating situation.”

 

“And finally, number three.” He stops and John waits until he grows impatient.

 

“What?”

 

“...Actually I only had two, three is just a nicer number.” John groans and rolls his eyes.

 

He walks back towards Dave and points. “Come on, let’s get going. Is your house that way?”

 

“Yeah,” Dave nods, starting to walk. “Apartment, though. Not sure how old you think I am, but I’m sorry to say if you thought I was some kind of suburban dad with three kids and a lovely wife you’re sadly mistaken.”

 

John follows after him. “I don’t know...That was a really specific number of kids you just said there. How do I know you’re not some house dad that got bored and headed to the bar to pick up a lay?”

 

Dave shakes his head, shrugging. “I guess you can’t. However, you distinctly agreed to my terms when you said we should go, so I think you owe me a name, stranger.”

 

John considers giving him a fake name, but after a few seconds his good judgment kicks in. “John Egbert.”

 

“Egbert? Dude. Bro.”

 

Dave gives him a look and John raises up his hands defensively. “What, it’s from my mom’s side!!”

 

“Right, fine fair enough. How old are you?”

 

John shrugs, squinting at Dave hard to try deduce the other’s age for a good lie. “I’m...Twenty four.”

 

“Pfft, small age to match your height huh? I’m twenty seven.” Dave says, smirking at him. John lets out an internal goan.

 

“Good for you. Are we close to your apartment yet?”

 

Dave nods, stepping off of the curb to cross the street. However, when he puts his foot down on a pothole he slips, swinging his arms to try and regain balance as he takes a dive onto the concrete.

 

Despite himself, John shoot off of the sidewalk to catch Dave by his shoulders, pulling him upright and feeling his fangs poke out a bit as Dave leans back into him.

 

“Shit-! Dude Shit....How did you do that? You move fast as hell.” John just shrugs, taking Dave’s hand and pulling him across the street before they’re at the risk of a car accident too.

 

“It’s no big deal, I’m used to my dad dropping things when I help him bake.” John lies, letting go of Dave’s hand once they reach the inside of the apartment complex. “What floor do you live on anyways?”

 

“First floor.” Dave answers. “But I head up to the roof all the time just to practice with my sword and shit.”

 

“Uhuh.” John mutters doubtfully, following Dave along until they reach the other’s door.

 

“Well, this is it Egbert.” Dave says. “Now I know you’re going to miss me terribly and all, so you might as well let out the waterworks now so you don’t ruin your day later.”

 

John rolls his eyes, crossing his arms as he leans back. “Sure Dave, because I totally know you well enough to miss you that much.”

 

“Well, you did ruin my night out drinking alone at the bar.” He holds up a finger, pulling out a scrap of paper with something scribbled on it and handing it to John. “However, since I was feeling lucky tonight, I happened to write down pesterchum handle before I went.”

 

“Wow, Dave...Because that’s not desperate or suspicious at all.”

 

Dave grins. “Not one bit. And if my luck fails me now even though you’ve been watching me all night...Well. Sorry in advance.”

 

John starts to ask him another question, but before he can get it out Dave is pulling him closer, kissing him hard. He stiffens up a little, and oh god Dave is so close, John’s fangs are protruding even more than usual, urged on by the sudden smell of the wall of apple cologne hitting him.

 

He moves his lips just a little, whether to kiss Dave back or to pull away before he bites the other John isn’t sure, but before he can do anything Dave pulls away, whipping out his keys and flashing John a grin before darting inside his apartment and shutting the door.

 

John stands in the middle of the hallway, stunned for a few seconds before slowly pocketing Dave’s pesterchum and turning to walk away. As he walks, he pulls out his phone and adds the handle to his contacts, sending the other his first message a few minutes later.

 

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

 

EB: what the fuck.

 

TG: hey man im guessin this is john huh

 

TG: look bro sorry about the terrible kiss if you want we can just move past it and you can pretend you never touched these luscious lips

 

TG: even if bar floozys everywhere are tearing down your door as we speak in jealousy

 

EB: no! i mean.

 

EB: it wasn’t...terrible?

 

TG: haha yes i so fucking called it

 

EB: called what?

 

TG: your sexuality

 

EB: rude!

 

TG: yeah yeah you got me there

 

TG: but guess what egbert

 

EB: what?

 

TG: you’re shit at hiding your fangs dude

 

TG: maybe next time we smooch you can give me some extra insights on those

 

EB: you knew!?

 

TG: fuck yeah man nothing gets past a strider

 

TG: but oh look at that my bed is calling my name

 

TG: drop your phone and sleep on me dave it says

 

EB: dave-!

 

TG: talk to you later dork

 

TG: oh yeah and by the way

 

EB: don’t you dare end this, how do you know about vampires??

 

TG: better catch up on those twilight book references real soon

 

EB: dave.

 

TG: cause the next time I see you there’s gonna be a shit ton

 

EB: DAVE.

 

TG: <3

 

EB: DAVE DON’T YOU DARE-

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

**Author's Note:**

> B)


End file.
